My Safe Place To Land
by hereisthekey
Summary: Spencer Hastings is writing from the dead, yet her spirit is still very much alive.
1. Dear Toby

My dearest Toby,

I'm dead, yet I'm still here.

I'm not sure how this happened, but it doesn't matter. All that matters is that I'm dead. Something about being dead gives you some sort of power, I think. Everyone knows that I'm gone, but nobody knows that I'm still here. Does that scare you, Toby? To know that I can still see everything you're doing? You're not the reason I'm dead, though. My intentions aren't to scare you. I'm going to guess that I'm still wandering around Rosewood in order to protect my friends and, surprisingly enough, you. I'm still confused as to how we ended up together, you know? Is it bad if I say I understand why you did all of this to my friends and me? I'm not a big enough coward to put all the blame on Alison DiLaurentis, no matter how much I want to. Every single thing we put you through was under our control, and you have every right to hate us. Alison didn't force us to do anything—she was only human. A shitty one, but still human. I guess I could say that I'm not surprised you're working with Mona and the rest of the –A team. I know there are more of you; you don't have me fooled for a second. Odd that I say that, huh? Considering the fact you had me fooled for over a year. I guess it brings some reality to the film Sleeping With the Enemy. Oh, and remember how things were nice after Mona was locked up? We all had a feeling we'd finally be at peace with ourselves and content with everything going on. Then there was that other text from –A. Do you know what one I'm talking about, Toby? The one that said "show me your boobs." Was that you, I wonder? Did you get what you asked for? I'm pretty sure you did.

But all of that is beside the point. I know you're mourning my death, and the Alison part of me is getting a kick out of it. You went through all this trouble to torture my friends and me, but now you're mourning over the death of one of the people you tortured. I find that to be rather ironic, don't you think? A part of me always wondered if you were sticking to your word about finding out what was going on and to do so, you joined the –A team. I had so much hope for us. You're the only man that I've ever loved. Maybe my friends were right—I would be much better as a lesbian. None of my relationships have ever worked out well for me. It's funny how all this time I thought you were the realest person around when you're actually the most deceitful. Everything I've done was to protect you and keep our relationship intact. Without you, I've gone crazy. Maybe that's why I'm dead? Or maybe it's my secrets that killed me.

You look really good in your black hoodie. So mysterious. With my help, my friends will be one step ahead of you. I can see you watching Aria right now. You're thinking of what's on your schedule to do next. But you're still mourning. I've noticed the past few days that I've been here that you haven't met with any –A members, at least the ones I know of. Is it because you're still mourning? Or you're planning your biggest threat next? Who's head –A, I wonder. It's strange that even while I'm at free will to wonder anywhere I please, I'm still not able to see you and… we'll call the head –A 'Red Coat.' Does that sound okay to you? I've seen her—we've all seen her. Or him. If it's a guy, let him know that I think he pulls off the red coat extremely well.

Keep in mind that I'll be watching…

Love always,

Spencer


	2. Dear Aria

Aria,

This letter is not a joke, okay? As strange and unrealistic as it may seem, it truly is me—Spencer.

Team Sparia isn't looking so good right about now, but don't worry, we always pull through. I need you to help me, and I'll help you in return. I can see _everything_. I feel like I'm not only trying to solve Alison's murder and who's on the -A team, but trying to solve how I ended up where I am as well. Sometimes I wonder if Alison was texting us at times, and leaving those notes around because I have the ability to do that these days. It makes me wonder that when we die are we really _gone_? You'd think I'd remember how I ended up where I am, but the last thing I remember is being in Radley, which was weeks before I got here. You'd think I'd have an idea of who killed me, but I honestly have no idea. There's one thing I want to make clear—it was not Toby or Mona, I know that much. Have you noticed Toby lately? He's been watching you, but he hasn't been acting on anything. I'm a little concerned. He's been mourning my death. A little adorable, don't you think?

I know you girls are hurting, but I need you to stick together. Don't worry about me being gone. My time still wandering around here might be limited, but I'm going to work harder than I ever did while I was live to help you girls and figure out the reason for my death. I think death has this way of curing all wounds. I have no regrets. I have no hatred towards Toby or any of the -A team members. I need you guys to trust me. Just focus your time on being happy. We've all spent far too much time focusing on who's all on the -A team and whatnot. Every single one of us deserves to truly be happy. Don't let these cowards get in the way of you and Ezra. Don't get me wrong, Ezra's been acting weird since Maggie and Malcolm arrived, and I don't think any of your problems are -A related, but they have ways of torturing you on the side. You and Ezra can pull through. I'm rooting for you. We're _all_ rooting for you.

I'll be keeping in touch. You'll always find this letter in the same spot: your black boots. Just make sure you get to them before your father does…

Your other half,

Spencer


	3. Dear Emily

Emily,

You've already seen the letter that I wrote to Aria by now, so hopefully me telling people not to freak out can come to an end.

I miss you so much. I love how genuine and pure you are. You truly care about all of your surroundings. You've become a much stronger person, and I can only be envious of you. You're extremely beautiful on the outside, and only have a heart to match. Watching you with Paige these days is inspiring. In my eyes, you two are soul mates.

It's funny how we assumed that all of the N.A.T members would be gone before we would, but now even we are dropping like flies. First Alison, then me… the people we love… we're losing them. I think we've all lost our loved ones long ago, but we're only just now realizing it. For me, anyway.

Dr. Sullivan told me you came to check on me at Radley. Am I surprised? Not really, but to know that you were the _only_ one that came—now that surprised me a little bit.

Before I continue, please don't show this letter to the girls. I don't want them to be offended. They might ask and beg, but deny having received one. I'll send you another soon enough so that you'll have at least _something_ to show them.

I guess it bugs me because Hanna and Aria snuck into Radley before. Why couldn't they have done the same with me? If it were one of them stuck in here, I would've done anything I could to get in here. The doctors around here saying "only family members allowed" wouldn't have stopped me. To me, we are family. You girls are the closest thing to family I've ever had. Do you know how uncomfortable it was to have Melissa come in here? Oh, and Mona! Seriously, Mona and Melissa of all people? They're not family… and they're not my friends.

Enough of that.

There are times that I'll sit by you guys at our table during lunch. I'll laugh and start to join in on the conversation, but then I realize that I'm not able to do that. I try to speak, but no words come out. I'm surprised that I still have the ability to hold a pencil and write on paper just to send you guys these notes. You guys can write me back or just talk, and I'll listen. I'm still here. I'm everywhere.

I don't want you guys to be afraid. Don't live in fear. I'll protect you. You girls mean more to me than life itself. I'm going to found out who is all on the -A team, and I'm also going to found out who killed me. Although I want you guys to focus on your happiness, I'm going to need a little bit of help for this. I don't know how we're ever going to figure all of this out, but… Maybe it was a mistake that I wrote Toby a letter first. I'm pretty sure he'll tell Mona and they'll keep quiet about getting in contact with the rest of the -A team. I guess I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed.

Do you ever wonder where we went wrong? Our secrets really weren't that bad, yet we did everything in our power to keep them on the down low. I mean, sure the Jenna thing was horrible, but… I don't know. I think we should've let -A have their way with us. Let them expose our secrets. We only caused more problems for not only ourselves, but others as well, in an attempt to keep them private. We were very cruel back in the day when Alison was still here. We weren't ourselves, and neither was anyone else. If you think about it, we really weren't that bad. We're just normal teenage girls. Maybe I lied to Aria when I said I had no regrets…

Stay beautiful,

Spencer


	4. Dear Hanna

Hanna,

Hanna… Hanna… Hanna… Oh, Hanna.

Do you remember how close we were after Alison disappeared? You had changed a lot from then to now, but you were still the person I trusted most. I don't know. Somewhere down that line we drifted apart but still remained good friends. You and Emily got extremely close, and Aria and I did the same. But that doesn't matter here.

I really miss your sense of humor. You're truly beautiful person, Han. You've got a whole lot of personality. Any guy would be nuts not to want to be with you. In my opinion, you picked a winner. If you would've asked me our freshman year of high school if I'd ever see you with a guy like Caleb, I would've said absolutely not! But things change—_we_ changed. Caleb is one of a kind. We've all lost our loved ones, but you and Caleb have this way of always finding your way back to one another. Now that, my dear, is love.

I'm worried about you guys. I feel like God is giving me this greater power now. I couldn't protect you guys then because I was only human, but now I'm a spirit… I can wander around as I please. Maybe I'll stop by the most expensive shops in Rosewood and get you some sunglasses… Just kidding!

I'm not mad at you, just so you know. I know that you were under a lot of stress before my death. I hope that things get better for you and your mom. Detective Wilden had no right attacking you and your mother the way that he did. He acts like he's superior to all of us when he's just as guilty. You should talk to my mom about him constantly harassing you. What he's doing is illegal, and I'm sure you already know that.

But please, Han, never give up. Don't stop believing in yourself and your relationship with Caleb. There's something about the two of you.

I'm not sure what else to say, except that you mean the world to me. You've always been the light inside of all of this darkness. You deserve nothing but the best. You deserve your happy ending. I want you to know that I'll always be here for you. Whenever you feel comfortable… Speak to me.

It's times like these that I'm so thankful for Alison. As I said before, that if it weren't for her, I wouldn't have befriended any of you. It's just a blessing in disguise. I love you.

Spence

PS: Yes, you ARE my winged monkeys.


End file.
